How not to paint an apartment building

In five easy steps:

  1. Wait until the day the on-site manager leaves for vacation to schedule the paint job.
  2. Delay notifying the tenants until the day before painting begins, especially if you’re starting Saturday morning and no one will see the notices taped to their doors until they get home from work Friday evening.
  3. Expect a cheery response from tenants about leaving the apartment doors open with strangers wandering around while they’re not home. You want to make sure that paint dries completely, don’t you? This will be especially easy for residents with cats to accomodate.
  4. Ask tenants to move their cars from the parking lot before 8 AM on a Saturday, and don’t worry about giving notice of this only the night before. Some people may turn out to be out of town, leaving frantic roommates searching for a spare set of keys, but that’s no big deal.
  5. Provide a schedule of painting activities, but don’t bother sticking to it. Who cares if you need the doors unlocked on different days than originally posted?

Sincerely,

Audrey, who is currently stuck inside the apartment because the front door is taped shut and there are people with paint sprayers on the other side. According to the schedule, this part was going to happen tomorrow.

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